I Choose Therefore I Am

May 13, 2011 by Leda Karabela - Leave your comment

Opto Ergo Sum…(there goes my two second Latin lesson).

“I choose therefore I am” in my book is all about freedom. It’s also because I have personally had enough with the allocation of blame – and living in Athens at the moment – one cannot escape hearing about it all the time.

Somewhere along the news, emails, tweets, f/b updates and the “noise” of misery, unrest, dark reality and the pain of crime that’s masked as “civil disobedience” or rebellion against your boss, your job, your teacher, your bank, the government, the taxes you have to pay,  the traffic cops who just clocked you speeding, and whatever you want to call  the “system”, or whatever is pushing your button at the moment…

Just move on with life – and do what you must – Life is for those who dare to put aside their fears, inhibitions and moods and go bolder – and in spite of the odds.

As Russel Bishop wrote in one of his Huffington Post columns,  it’s all about “response-ability,” that powerful idea in making the best of negative circumstances, happenings and events and choosing to transform “responsibility” from the common allocation of blame or fault into something that means “having the strength, courage and power to respond.”

Your life – your country – your choice.

And if not, then what exactly is it that you waiting for?

To Boldly Go…

May 1, 2011 by Leda Karabela - Leave your comment

 

“A MAN WITH A CONVICTION is a hard man to change. Tell him you disagree and he turns away. Show him facts or figures and he questions your sources. Appeal to logic and he fails to see your point.” So wrote the celebrated Stanford University psychologist Leon Festinger (PDF)..”

Sounds familiar? How often have you desperately tried to argue your point and it fell on deaf ears? And the more you debated and reasoned, the harder your failure to convince.

Power struggle, politics, influence and cognitive dissonance (why do smart people smoke really?) along with so many other factors that are at play when discussing, collaborating, teaming up. And the art of “dancing” with people in the waltz of life and debate goes on. But, can you really influence and eventually change without understanding?

We are all guilty. How often do we jump to conclusions – thinking of our response while the other person is still talking? Quick, alert, sharp, swift – all these words, characterizations and attributes are considered positive and great assets to have. In a performance driven, labor intensive marketplace where skills, talents expertise and aptitudes are the tickets to success – the competitive nature of “firsts” have made us jumpy and possibly less wise.

In the process we have lost patience. The pace is fast and furious – the anxiety to “be, go, do” before anyone else does, is driving the race, the competition to “boldly go where no man has gone before” a-la Star Trek. We have been conditioned to be quick. But maybe quick won’t cut it anymore. Maybe taking the time to “get” it first is more important – and definitely much more interesting, enlightening and in the end, productive. Why not try it sometime?

PS: Festinger’s experiment was also mentioned in The Science of Why We Don’t Believe Science | Mother Jones. Great read – I highly recommend it.

Disagreement and Gratitude

April 23, 2011 by Leda Karabela - Leave your comment

 

Optimism – or rather too much optimism – has been blamed as the cause of many things including the recession, high-risk enterprises and happy go-lucky “Pollyanna-ism“.

Having just finished psychologist Martin Seligman’s newest book Flourish, I found myself agreeing with the plight: Life is about getting the most out of our limited time – living and playing well, finding meaning, raising the bar for the human condition -not only ours but for those around us. And how does positivity overall count in well being, happiness – and you can use your own definition here – contentment.

Are you better off being overall positive as a person or is there data and evidence that a hard core “realism” – I will not go to the pessimistic side-  serve you better? Positive emotions, optimism and resilience have always been favorite topics of mine as they affect behavior and stance in life as a means to performance at both personal and professional level.

For Seligman, the new acronym is PERMA: Positive emotion (the pleasant life), Engagement, Relationships (and how we share life with other people), Meaning (believing and serving something bigger than yourself) and Accomplishment/achievement (what you choose to do for its own sake – without anyone forcing you to do it).

What gives meaning and purpose to life? Is there a recipe, a prescription, a go-do or not-do list one should follow? Skeptics galore make the reviews acidic and like all pundit commentary, I have learned to take everything with a grain of salt. I take what I like and leave what I don’t behind – and my bias is towards discovery and exploration.

Everything new you do – adds wealth to your life experience. From learned helplessness to predicting NBA winning teams based on optimistic/pessimistic attitudes of players and coaches to wealth data and Gross Domestic Product figures and national happiness indexes, and the pursuit of money and how that does not necessarily make you any happier, the process of thinking, doubting, assessing and in the end – choosing is so enthralling.

And it was in Martin Seligman’s acknowledgements that I really paused: “total disagreement does not cancel gratitude.” The details of the who and the why are irrelevant -but how often have you argued hard and strong and determined – only to find yourself respecting and appreciating the other side more and more?

So, here’s to all the Socratic dialogues, the divergent points of view, the other side of the story, the inside out of whatever box you are playing with. Life’s so much better with them.

 

Disclaimer: I have no connection with Martin Seligman and I don’t get anything out of writing about this. I just love the boldness and brainpower of his theory. (These days one never knows).

Love In The Time Of Distance

April 18, 2011 by Leda Karabela - Leave your comment

 

Saying good bye to my son and his adorable Yorkshire Terrier puppies this morning, I felt hollow.

He went back home to L.A. even though the concept of “home” is unclear. After all , the Northern California home is his home, too.

Our family is used to distance,  bi-continental living, time-zones Skype calls and virtual hugs and tenderness. Yet, the physical pain of saying good bye gets harder every time you say it, feeling it in your gut and your heart.

Even though I spend chunks of time in California and have a life and business in Greece, and I am considered the master of expatriate living having spent so much time in other countries – being in control of the physical separation from the ones you love is never easy.

So, how do I cope and is there a secret to making this work?

You need to love unconditionally

In spite of the distance, the time difference, the expense of the telephone call, the “inconvenience” of the moment, you are there available, virtually present, and ready to listen, counsel, guide and console.

“Closeness has nothing to do with distance.”

-Billboard Ad NYC

You need to be focused

Any successful adjustment dominates a niche. Most ideas and their execution fail because they wander around the mind of their creator. They often start as musings and end as a no-show. Is it clear to know what it is you are trying to do where you are going to go?

“One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want is that we never direct our focus; we never concentrate our power. Most people dabble their way through life, never deciding to master anything in particular.”

—Tony Robbins

You need to be determined

Really: why else would you do it? You know there is a goal to this – you can see the end of the road – and something great will come out of it. And at the same time you know that whatever happens, there are certain things you need to try and live and experience.

Because everything we say and do is the length and shadow of our own souls, our influence is determined by the quality of our being.

– Dale Turner

You need to be opinionated

Life is all about opinion. In the world of issues, don’t listen to those who say “you can’t.” It is all about determination, and perseverance and effort – hard and repetitive effort to do what you have set out to do.

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly.”

—Albert Einstein

So, love in the 21st century, in the global village we all call home. Long live the new rules.

SupporTED: One Million Bones

April 13, 2011 by Leda Karabela - Leave your comment

Naomi Natale is a senior TED fellow. She is infectious, passionate and goes up against all odds. In the rushed reality of our daily routines, an art installation project against genocide may realistically feel “remote.” Nice idea but… who has time for such things? But watch the short video.

Naomi has a dream. And she cannot do it alone.

So, think of all these times you could not do things alone. How many times did someone help you to do something? How many times you felt good because you were not alone and someone held your hand, and showed you how, carried some of the weight off your shoulders and made you feel better because whatever it is you did was shared.

So, before taking off – just take a second and give her a hand -even by showing your moral support and spreading the word.

One Million Bones is a fundraising art installation designed to recognize the millions of victims and survivors who have been killed or displaced by ongoing genocides. It will represent victims and survivors of genocide, creating a visual demand for solutions to this issue. Ignored and therefore permitted, genocide continues today, while widespread awareness of it remains buried. One million people will each create one bone to represent one victim or survivor. Installed together, these million bones will flood the National Mall in Washington, D.C., unearthing the memory of these individuals while calling citizens to action.

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