Generosity V-Day

Touchy feely stuff with roses, pink ribbons and teddy bears? A few days before Valentine’s Day? Who has time for all this really? But, no this is not about you – since “you” is so often not about you but about others and how you work and “play” with them. So, stop for a moment. Pause, period, hold. What if…

Remember my post about Sacha Dichter’s “The Generosity Experiment?”  At any moment, we have the chance through our individual actions to transform others’ behaviors…” Why? Because we all  crave to satisfy our need for connection – how we share life with other people, and meaning – believing and serving something bigger than yourself.

So, the goal is to make Valentine’s Day about more than flowers, chocolates, and romantic dinners: to reconnect it to generosity for all. “This Monday, Valentine’s Day, is going to be rebooted as Generosity Day: one day of sharing love with everyone, of being generous to everyone, to see how it feels and to practice saying “Yes.” Let’s make the day about love, action and human connection — because we can do better than smarmy greeting cards, overpriced roses and stressed-out couples trying to create romantic meals on the fly.

So, say yes – hell, yes, actually!

Off The Beaten Track

 

Islands Off the Beaten Track is the name of an archaeological exhibition organized by the Museum of Cycladic Art in Athens, focusing on the most remote, inaccessible islands of the Aegean archipelago. Yet, I am not here to promote Greece, Greek tourism, cultural pursuits or archeology. I confess that when I saw the exhibits and the videos of the Aegean magic, something down deep stirred inside of me but I will bypass my sense of Greekness – this is not about that.

What’s important and remarkable is the off the beaten track approach of the team that puts all its passion, determination and hard work to pull this through and make it happen. While Athenian economics and politics rage towards an uncertain future, purity and commitment take over and drive those who dare to dream.

What does it really take for a private museum to put on an exhibition when funds and sponsors are scarce, budgets are tight, audiences are preoccupied and life in Athens and the rest of Greece is no longer the same?

A tight group who shares the passion and believes in the Museum President’s vision can put to shame any Fortune 500 mechanism. Prima inter pares, the president does not miss a hard day at work. Her staff – mostly women (worth mentioning but perhaps coincidental) – are working hand in hand with a group of volunteers who feel proud to roll up their sleeves, and jump in to do whatever it takes. Hard labor it is – without a penny. This is not your usual “do-good” hospital, Red Cross type volunteerism. Pay and status are irrelevant here. This is about sharing – sharing the common goal which is debated, questioned, explored. Point of view, perspective and opinions do count here. If one can defend the argument, then the rest do listen. If one can open the door to a possibility, then the option to follow through will be explored. People argue; disagree; come to a consensus and if convinced, they will agree to change positions. The sword and fear of getting fired is not there anyway – so the motivation is completely different and comes from the sense of working together and doing something that they all feel it’s great to do. The hierarchy and chain of command with the accountabilities and mandates of the operational burdens is clear – yet this is not the top-down order system.

It’s hard work to be a real team. Personalities, tendencies, upbringings, different experiences and the intricate mapping of humanity makes any leader’s task complex. And it’s even harder when people can simply walk away. Feeding the soul, making everyone feel respected and appreciated, inspiring them and bringing up the best in people – that’s what a leader’s job really is. And somehow this team seems to have it right – in spite of the hardships and the ups and downs.

If I don’t respect you – I will pretend I do and go on bluffing my way to work – but much worse I will no longer care. And if people stopped caring – the great things that make the difference will no longer be created – and in the end, we will all lose.

 

 

Excuses Are For Wimps

Calvin: I sure am great! I’m one of the greatest people who ever lived! How lucky people are to know someone as great as me! I’m great in so many great ways! In fact, I’m so great that my greatness is…
Susie: You’re not great! You’re the most conceited blowhard I’ve ever met!
Calvin: When you’re great, people often mistake candor for bragging.

 

So, how great are YOU? And have you ever caught yourself shutting down and refusing to hear anything remotely close to criticism? Or better yet, like little Calvin, shout irrationally loud on your own defensive auto-pilot?

We all have our reasons. For everything. It’s only human. So, how do you react when someone sits you down and wants to talk it over?  Then you know: it’s that awful time for “feedback!”

You take it as judgment time. And feeling judged is an awkward threat to your core. Threats to our esteem are so powerful they can literally feel like threats to our survival. And then you are scared, terrified, paralyzed by the fear of being discovered – the real you finally coming out.

Yet, how on earth would you learn without criticism? The conundrum is that feedback is necessary.  Humility is the recognition that we don’t know, even when we think we know. As Steven Covey says, “Seek first to understand.”

So, why not choose to see feedback as it really is:

It’s not personal: It’s not always necessarily about you. It may be about how others see you – and each one will see you differently and through their own prism. It’s your job to try to make the connection and understand how to be there and talk and deliver so that the other person can understand and see what you want to show or tell them.

It’s a possibility: You get to learn; you get to figure out how to be better, to show how next time (and yes, there is always a next time) you’ll get it right.

It’s about feeling proud: Because you can take it. Because you can do something with it – even ignore it – but mainly because you can deal with your fear of being even better – as fear of success can sometimes be so much bigger than the fear of failure.

It’s about excuses: and excuses are for wimps. So, get over your fear, acknowledge it’s hard, probably idiotically painful, but don’t just sit there.

Addendum: Author Steven Pressfield has pointed out that famous cartoon from the new Yorker where a bewildered-looking person is standing in front of two closed doors. One door says “heaven” and the other says “Books about heaven.” What would you choose? Would you feel ready to go straight into paradise or take a bit more time and think about it?

 

 

2012 Ante and Ad Portas

In the dawn of 2012…

As the new year is knocking on our door, “ad and ante portas” and great old Hannibal comes to mind.

Even though the phrase “conveys a sense of greater distress with Hannibal ante portas, for ad suggests a movement towards the gates. Cicero, Philippica I; Livius, Ab urbe condita XXIII used to refer to those who dither in times of great peril…”

And while most people are uncomfortable with change, the new year – a great time machinery switch, a new beginning, is always celebrated, cherished, full of opportunities, hope and good tidings. So, no fear for the change. Here’s to hope, anticipation and dreams, big and wonderful visions of what you want to be and where you really want to go this year…If you dream it, then you can go after it…

Power Aphrodisiac

What is power really? And can you afford not to use it or face it wisely?

Unfortunately for all of us, Henry Kissinger’s  infamous aphorism “power is the ultimate aphrodisiac” has never been more alive and well, with the current global finance crisis the pan-ultimate example, partially if not wholly attributed to greed and abuse of power.

Talking to Stanford Business School Organizational Behavior Professor, Jeffrey Pfeffer about his course “Paths To Power,” one of the most popular electives in the school, he says that “insufficient sensitivity to and skill in coping with power dynamics have cost plenty of MBA alums – and many other talented people promotion opportunities and even their jobs. Recent graduates from leading schools have been referred by their (iconic) companies for coaching help because, although bright and hard-working, these high-potential young leaders lack the power skills necessary to maximize their career opportunities. And power and influence issues are important causes of career derailment with studies estimating that between 33% and 75% of otherwise talented and successful executives suffer serious career setbacks.

Is it really just the desire to be in control of your environment and the essence of authority, line of command, obedience/disobedience and the unavoidable association with punishment, reward and the possibility of overstepping and abuse? Regardless, power is a reality in much (maybe all) of organizational and social life found in family structures, fraternities, social circles, and of course jobs of all kinds – salary levels, corner offices and job titles. Leadership is often associated with power in its good sense yet some people may believe they can “escape” from it by working in Wall Street, oil companies, the army or any government body – because for some people just being part of a powerful organization is enough and then you don’t really have to do much other than flash your business card around – maybe. Or not?

Learning to navigate the path to power or in some cases getting away from it and its potentially addictive side,  is really all about how you exercise your influence. While it’s easy to rationally grasp power, the emotional load that comes with it and because of it, can be so terribly uncomfortable on both ends of the power stick.

One of the objectives in the popular Stanford course is to get the students to become much less judgmental, particularly about who they like or don’t like or who they approve or don’t approve of.  As Pfeffer says in his syllabus “there comes a time in your career where you can no longer “afford” to like or not like colleagues—critical relationships simply have to work, regardless of your personal feelings.” The judgments you should make are whether or not someone is on your critical path, whether they can be helpful or harmful to your job and your career, whether you can learn anything from them.  If someone is critical to your success and you have decided you don’t “like” or “approve” of them, you will have (unnecessarily) created a big obstacle to building the sort of relationship with an individual that you need.

While this may sound like ‘politicking’ the labyrinth of life and career navigation is often dark and obstructed. After all, sometimes all you have to do is not see new things but see the same things differently…

PS: Photo courtesy of my good friend, Helena Chari, whose facebook wall photos give me a big smile always 🙂
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